


I Just Need Time

by Storytelling_Sparrow



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Arguing, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Relationship Issues, Song fic, Unresolved Angst, Verbally Fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:48:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21708505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storytelling_Sparrow/pseuds/Storytelling_Sparrow
Summary: Logan and Roman are meant to be together- or are they?
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	I Just Need Time

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the song Time by NF. Please heed the trigger warnings in the tags!

“Roman, that’s ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous! I mean, do you even  _ hear _ yourself?” Logan snapped. Roman recoiled as if the words had physically hurt him.

“How is it ridiculous, Logan? I just want what’s best-”

“For you! You just want what’s best for  _ you. _ I told you that I’m not ready for that yet, I don’t know how many times. We don’t have the money and I don’t have the time! But you don’t listen, you never do!” Logan stood abruptly and began pacing, hands tugging at his hair, his tie.

Roman shook his head, anger and frustration bubbling up inside him until-

“You’re pathetic, Logan! I want to do this for us! I think it would help _both_ of us, and I thought we could do this together! But like always, you shut my ideas down. I’m so tired of this! You’re just a scared little boy with no feelings!”

Logan froze in his tracks; Roman saw the flash of hurt on his face before he glared at Roman. “I hate you.” Logan grabbed his keys and left without another word, slamming the front door on the way out.

_ Even if we both break down tonight _

_ And you say you hate me _

_ And we go to bed angry _

_ I know everything will be alright _

_ I'll be here waiting _

_ I promise I'm changing _

_ I just need… _

Logan drove around for hours, aimless and with no direction. Just like his life. What was wrong with him? Deep down, he knew he loved Roman, more than anything, but he always had to close up at the last second. He thought he could get himself to fully trust him, but every time Roman got too close his defenses slammed down.

Tears of sadness and anger blurred his vision. He pulled over to the side of the road and cried, head in his hands. Why couldn’t he take this next step with Roman? How hard was it to ask for help? Because… because he was afraid. Terrified. He couldn’t even admit that he was in love with Roman, not even to himself. How was he supposed to bring another random stranger into his life? To spill all his thoughts, to show every weakness? Memories of his life before flashed through his mind. His father yelling at him to quit crying, his father pulling his fist back to strike him, his mother doing nothing to stop it-

“No!” Logan screamed, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. His eyes shut tight, as if by doing so he could stop the memories from coming back to him.

It seemed like hours before he was able to stop the tears from falling. Logan took deep, shaky breaths until he could calm down. He thought of what he wanted to say to Roman. He had to try and make this right. If he could. Logan hoped with all his heart that he hadn’t put the final nail in the coffin that was their relationship.

_...a little time to show you I'm worth it _

_ I know that I can be a difficult person _

_ I'm a stress case _

_ Drive you up the wall when I'm working _

_ Actually, I'm probably worse when I'm not _

_ You don't deserve it _

Roman’s heart thudded in his chest. He couldn’t bring himself to move, even as he listened to the door slam, the crunch of tires on gravel. Trying to stop Logan from leaving was impossible, so why try? He felt so stupid, why did he say that? He always did this and he always felt guilty and ashamed afterwards. But that information wasn’t enough to stop him from repeating the same mistake over and over. He slowly stood and made his way to the bedroom he and Logan had shared for the past year. Roman wanted so badly for this to work, but what if they weren’t meant to be? Maybe all they were doing was prolonging the inevitable.  _ “Maybe Logan would be better off without me…” _

Roman laid on the bed and reached for the picture of them that sat on the nightstand. It was taken on their first date. Logan was smiling, he looked happy. It had been so long since he’d looked like that. The picture blurred as Roman’s tears fell, splattering against the frame.

_ Make you nervous cause you know I'ma break soon _

_ Every time I do, I say something that hurts you _

_ Acting like I'm gone but we’re both in the same room _

_ I don't like to be wrong, which I know you relate to _

They fought all the time; it was how their relationship worked. Even before, when they were just friends. But back then it had been less argumentative and more of a healthy debate. Now it seemed they were genuinely arguing, even over the pettiest things. Especially lately. Logan knew the way they were going right now wasn’t healthy. The only choices were to either ask for help in the way Roman had been suggesting or to break up. Asking for help was unthinkable; it made Logan feel sick to his stomach. But the idea of leaving Roman was far worse. He took a shaky breath and shifted the car into drive. He needed to go home. Back to his boyfriend, back to his best friend, back to the only person who was worth far more than his pride.

_ And I know I make you feel _

_ Like you're at the end of your road _

_ That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone _

_ That's just the pride talking, isn't it? _

_ Cause both of us know _

_ I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul _

_ Comes out the most when I feel I'm in a vulnerable place _

_ Made a lot of mistakes I wish I knew how to erase _

_ When I'm afraid, might get distant and I push you away _

_ But no matter the case, I'ma do whatever it takes _

_ Even if... _

Roman sighed, wondering what would happen. What if Logan didn’t come back this time? What if he decided this relationship wasn’t worth saving? He shouldn’t have pushed Logan so much, he should have done things differently. He should have done a lot of things differently. Roman stood, setting the picture down on the nightstand again. Therapy had seemed like a good idea, but was it really? Roman knew how stubborn Logan was, especially when it involved asking anyone for help. A product of who raised him, which wasn’t Logan’s fault. Still, Roman had hoped he’d be able to move past it. Those walls Logan had around him were still there, despite everything. Maybe it was better for them to part ways, even if the very thought made Roman feel as if his heart were truly breaking.

_ Even if we both break down tonight _

_ And you say you hate me _

_ And we go to bed angry _

_ I know everything will be alright _

_ I'll be here waiting _

_ I promise I'm changing _

_ I just need time _

_ Yeah, way before I bought you the ring _

_ We were fighting back and forth _

_ Like you were wearing the thing _

_ Two passionate people not afraid to say what they think _

_ Lead to passionate conversation when it's hard to agree _

_ You know me well _

_ Sitting on the edge of my seat _

_ Looking at life, overanalyzing everything _

_ Always depressed, tryna find a better version of me _

_ Searching for something I know is probably right in front of my feet _

Logan parked on the street in front of their house. He knew what he had to do, now he just needed to work up the nerve to do it.  _ “Come on, Logan, just get out of the car.”  _ He was trembling, but this had to be done. He knew what he had to do, logically. Now if only he could bring himself to actually  _ do _ it, to tell Roman the things he should have said a long time ago.

He got out of the car and locked it before slowly making his way up the sidewalk and to the front door. His hand reached out, but just as his fingertips grazed the doorknob, it opened.

Roman was standing there, eyes red from crying. The two men stared at each other for a long moment, neither of them moving or making any attempt to break the silence.

Logan was the first to speak. “Ro.. can we go inside? We… we need to talk.” Roman didn’t reply, only nodded and stepped aside so Logan could come in. They made their way back to the dining room.

“Logan, I-”

Logan shook his head. “No, please, let me talk first okay? If I don’t, I... I’m afraid I’ll never be able to say what needs to be said.”

_ Stubborn as me? Maybe not, but you're close to it _

_ Got a lot of issues, I'm tryna work through 'em _

_ Going to therapy for you is something that's worth doing _

_ When I know you been there for me _

_ Through all of my worst moments _

_ And I know it hurts knowing that I carry this weight on my chest _

_ Making it difficult for me to open up and connect _

_ A lot of regrets, I apologize for all of the stress _

_ That's not what I meant to do _

_ You know I love you to death _

_ Even if _

Roman blinked back tears. He was so afraid of what Logan was going to say but he owed it to him to listen. He sat down in the chair and stared at Logan, memorizing his face in case this was the last time he’d get to see it. His boyfriend was pacing again, wringing his hands together. Roman had to physically stop himself from getting up and going to Logan, to try and reassure him. Instead he waited for Logan to say those dreaded words.  _ “I’m leaving you.” _

“Roman, I love you. I… I’m in love with you. I always have been. And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for everything. The way I’ve been acting, the way I’ve been treating you. None of it is acceptable, and it isn’t fair that you be treated this way.” Logan’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat before beginning again.

“My father…” Logan choked back tears and pushed on, determined to see this through. “He always told me that men don’t cry. That men don’t ask for help, they don’t show emotion. I tried so hard to be like that for such a long time. Then you came into my life and showed me the way a real man is supposed to act. You’re dramatic and emotional and you’re one of the best men I know.” Logan finally sat down across from Roman and held his hand. Roman gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Roman couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry for putting you through all of this, Roman. I want to do better. I want to  _ be _ better. I want to be a man who deserves you. But the way I am right now? I can’t be that man. So I’m going to leave for a while. I’ll go to therapy, talk to someone who can help me. For you. You’re worth everything and more, Roman.”

Roman moved from his seat and embraced Logan closely, crying into his shoulder. Logan hugged him back tightly, and they stayed like that, holding one another and crying. Logan kept murmuring that it would be okay, that he loved him, that he was sorry. Roman nodded and just held on tighter. 

When they finally broke apart, Roman spoke. “I understand why you have to do this, but I’m going to miss you so much.”

_ Even if we both break down tonight _

_ And you say you hate me _

_ And we go to bed angry _

_ I know everything will be alright _

_ I'll be here waiting _

_ I promise I'm changing _

_ I just need... _

Logan gave Roman a sad smile. “I’m going to miss you too, but this is something that needs to happen. I don’t know how long this will take so don’t feel obligated to wait for me, okay? I just want you to be happy.”

  
  
“I’m going to wait for you, Logan Sanders. I promise you that. I’ll be here waiting for you as long as it takes. Just promise me that when you’re ready, you’ll come back home to me.”

Logan kissed Roman one last time, soft and sweet. “I promise.”

With no more for either of them to say, Logan loaded his suitcases in the trunk and got into his car. Roman stood on the porch and watched the love of his life drive away until the tail lights disappeared into the night.


End file.
